I wasn't prepared...

Life Happens. All the time.

It keeps moving, evolving, happening to you, around you... with or without your consent, it happens.

I had a moment about a month ago, a moment where I felt as if I couldn't focus, couldn't gather my thoughts effectively, as if I were confined in some way.

This is not an unfamiliar feeling, it's the feeling of stress and anxiety settling in.

I am no stranger to anxiety, it is something that is a part of me, ingrained in who I am.

What makes this moment significant, I am sure you are wondering, was that it was the first time since embarking on this life changing journey of mine that I have felt emotionally overwhelmed. It was the first time I have felt like I was drowning in a sea of thoughts that I couldn't control or stop, like everything was happening to me rather than with me.

There were many factors contributing to this, loved ones falling ill, a very sad and unfortunate passing of a friend, managing the ever elusive work life balance, the list goes on.

What surprised me, and I am not sure why it surprised me, was how I dealt with this.

Food, and maintaining a balanced healthy diet became a struggle. At every meal. I started to see how I got to where I was, food is my emotional crutch. And not just any food, the worst food, all the food I have steered away from over the last 10 months. I started to question why I even cared about food, why I cared about maintaining a healthy lifestyle... all because I was looking for a reason for it to be ok not to care.

I not only fell off the 'horse' so to speak, but took a complete left turn and went down memory lane, reliving some of my worst habits for about a week. I felt sick, tired, unmotivated and more anxious and stressed than before because not only were all of the same things still happening around me, but now I had added guilt to the bucket. I felt guilty about letting myself down, allowing myself to give up so easily and guilty for not getting back up quicker (or at all at this point).

What a slippery slope.

What a frustrating place to be.

I did the only thing In knew to do... use what you have.

So I went to the gym - Endorphin's as everyone knows are fantastic at lifting your mood - and I leaned on my husband, and we slowly started to get back into routine. Gym everyday, cooking healthy meals and watching our intake, and this week has been the first consistent week for me of maintaining that balance to support a healthy lifestyle.

It has also been the first week that I feel like myself again, the me I like to feel like.

And it is the first week I have wanted to share anything on here.

Over the last few weeks I felt like I was ashamed to share what I was going through, now I realise it is all a part of my journey. Part of my learning and adjusting to a new way of life. I have learnt so much this last month, and feel like if faced with this again I will be better prepared to manage it in a more productive way.

As they say, the only way out is through - so here I am, coming out the other end of it, having gone through it and although feeling a bit battered and bruised emotionally, feeling like a more educated version of me for it.

Until Next time...

Dawn xoxo

Stay tuned as I continue to share my journey with you, my recipes, tips for getting out of bed at 4:30 am for a workout, and my every day struggles.

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